Man City Academy Kids Flee, Return, Flee Again From Nutmeg Master's Skills

The purest physical distillation of what it feels like to have your mind blown by a feat of mastery is the innate urge to turn and sprint as far away as humanly possible from the scene of said feat. These Manchester City academy players repeatedly exhibit this behavior, which in itself is evidence enough of just how… »10/08/15 1:19pmThursday 1:19pm

Corrupt FIFA Executives Suspended, To Be Replaced By Corrupt FIFA Executives

As was reported yesterday, save the not-unreasonable belief that a known whitewasher would break out the paint, Sepp Blatter, Michel Platini, and Jérôme Valcke have all been suspended for 90 days by FIFA’s ethics committee. »10/08/15 9:43amThursday 9:43am

Sepp Blatter's 90-Day Suspension Is In The Hands Of The Man Who Whitewashed FIFA Corruption

According to various reports, FIFA’s ethics committee has recommended a 90-day suspension of president Sepp Blatter while they wait to see if any of the numerous investigations of him stick. Mind you, this is only a provisional suspension which must be ratified by a man with a track record of trying to sweep FIFA… »10/07/15 3:13pmWednesday 3:13pm

Former FIFA Vice President Throws All Kinds Of Shit At Sepp Blatter

You know you’re in for some good dirt when Chung Mung-joon, a former FIFA vice-prez in the running for the next presidency, hits you with bars like “To call [FIFA] a mafia is almost insulting to mafia, so blatant and arrogant is its corruption.” »10/07/15 12:38pmWednesday 12:38pm

Landon Donovan Says USMNT Shouldn't Take Klinsmann To The Next World Cup

The last time the public got to stick the thermometer into the Landon Donovan-Jürgen Klinsmann beef, we learned that the meat was still cooking. In a new interview, Donovan’s thoughts about Klinsmann’s shaky recent record and what that should mean for the manager’s job security show that yep, this beef is getting… »10/06/15 4:54pmTuesday 4:54pm

José Mourinho's Self-Regard Grows In Inverse Proportion To Chelsea's Record

Hey remember when David Moyes coached United for a year, everyone agreed it was an unmitigated disaster, and it became the standard by which to measure all EPL meltdowns? José Mourinho, the little tyrant man who will probably get fired from the USMNT someday, and Chelsea have started this season three points worse… »10/04/15 11:45amSunday 11:45am

Sergio Agüero Goes Supernova, Scores 5 Goals in 20 Minutes

Manchester City were losing today’s match to Newcastle 1-0 for most of the first half until Sergio Agüero went all Robert Lewandowski and rung up five quick goals to kill the game dead in a matter of minutes. Incredibly, he did the Whole Shit with a mere nine touches. It was sudden and violent and Newcastle should… »10/03/15 11:45am10/03/15 11:45am

Hope Solo Will Face Domestic Violence Charges Again

The domestic violence charges against Hope Solo that were dropped earlier this year will return after a higher court in King County reversed a lower court’s decision to dismiss them. Solo had been charged with two counts of misdemeanor assault. In January, her lawyer successfully argued to a judge that the case… »10/02/15 6:10pm10/02/15 6:10pm

Ronaldinho Can't Play Soccer Anymore, But He Can't Stop

Watching Ronaldinho in his prime—nipping the ball around defenders with moves you’d either never seen someone pull off in real life or at least never, say, against some of the world’s best defenders, in the middle of the sport’s fiercest rivalry, in front of 80,000 opposing fans, with supporters so moved that they… »10/02/15 12:23pm10/02/15 12:23pm

Chelsea Players Starting To Rebel Against José Mourinho

It was inevitable that Chelsea’s astoundingly poor performances and results so far this season would lead to some level of internal strife inside the club. We now have confirmation of this, with sources in the team describing a rift between the players and José Mourinho to two different papers. »10/01/15 1:47pm10/01/15 1:47pm

Local Committee Backs Gun-Wielding Ref, Say Shit's Real In The Field

Gabriel Murta, the intrepid Brazilian referee who saw fit to break out the strap in order to deal with some violent players, is being defended by the local referee governing body. They explain that while bringing a piece to the pitch may seem extreme, refereeing in Brazil’s lower levels is often so wild that pulling… »10/01/15 9:53am10/01/15 9:53am

Please Enjoy Bayern Munich Dressed Up And Boozing For Oktoberfest

It’s that time of year again, when all of Bavaria breaks out their finest lederhosen and dirndl skirts, and prepares to lift krug after enormous krug of the finest German beers in celebration of Oktoberfest. Bayern Munich’s players and coaching staff are no exception, and so we have loads of pictures of them squeezed… »9/30/15 3:33pm9/30/15 3:33pm