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U.S. Soccer Continues To Sabotage Soccer In The U.S.

I’m like every other flag-loving USMNT fan; I liked the hiring of accomplished manager Jürgen Klinsmann, I root for our individual players when they trek overseas, and I lose my shit when the national team wins even fairly meaningless matches. »9/02/15 4:44pmWednesday 4:44pm

Soccer Lady Has Absolutely Zero Aiming Skills, Scores Awful Own Goal

The announcer had the correct reaction to Helén Eke’s foot mysteriously turning into jelly upon contact with the ball: “Nej nej nej!” As did Eke, who attempted to tear off her ponytail, no doubt to disguise her appearance so that she could creep out of the stadium and hide under a rock for the next three to four… »9/02/15 10:59amWednesday 10:59am

The Botched David de Gea Transfer Was A Glorious Clusterfuck

Transfer deadline day is always liable to turn up a couple shockers, either in completed deals from out of nowhere or transfers that appear imminent only to collapse right before the crossing of the final T. Real Madrid’s failed attempted to buy David de Gea from Manchester United is one of the latter, and what a… »9/01/15 11:58amTuesday 11:58am

Have Manchester City Really Wrapped Up The Premier League Title Already?

Is this real life? We thought it was something last year when Chelsea became champions-elect by the start of November, but sweet Jesus, we’re only four games into the new season and it already looks nearly certain that Manchester City will lift the Premier League trophy come May.… »8/31/15 1:19pmMonday 1:19pm

Wow, Maybe Roberto Soldado Doesn't Suck Anymore!

Well would you look at that! Roberto Soldado—once renowned for his uncanny ability to get goals without ever looking all that impressive doing so, now more famous as the world’s second-biggest bottler (behind fellow Spaniard Fernando Torres) stemming from his terrible stint with Tottenham—is back in Spain and back… »8/28/15 4:24pm8/28/15 4:24pm

Are Everton Really Dumb Enough To Turn Down Tons Of Money For John Stones?

John Stones is a promising English center back currently playing for Everton, who’s pretty good and has every chance to get better. His talent, youth, potential, position, and Englishness all make him a very hot and very valuable commodity. (Word to Raheem Sterling.) But apparently out of some misguided belief in the… »8/27/15 4:58pm8/27/15 4:58pm

Messi Turning Boateng Into A Folding Chair Voted Best Goal Of UCL Season

Ahead of the Champions League group stage draw today, UEFA handed out its award for best goal of last season’s tournament. Naturally, it went to this Lionel Messi stunner during that heavyweight fight that was Barcelona-Bayern Munich. I could stare at this GIF for hours: »8/27/15 9:58am8/27/15 9:58am

Manchester United Still Don't Realize They're Not Manchester United Anymore

It’s kind of cute, if in a sad sort of way. Manchester United, once the biggest name in the game, chasing after superstars in the press like a giddy child racing after lightning bugs in the night, hoping to nab one or two like the big clubs can but knowing deep down that it won’t actually happen. »8/26/15 4:40pm8/26/15 4:40pm

Mario Balotelli Given Another Last Chance, Returns To AC Milan

The familiar Mario Balotelli cycle has been completed yet again. Stuck on hard times with a team that didn’t want him and telegraphing his own unhappiness with his employers by acting out, Balotelli has been gifted another reprieve. A big club, this time his former home AC Milan, has swooped in to rescue him,… »8/25/15 1:38pm8/25/15 1:38pm