Manchester City's Messiah Sergio Agüero Pulls Another Resurrection Act

Twenty minutes into Manchester City's crucial home Champions League match against Bayern Munich on Tuesday, it looked like everything had broken right for the English champions. Earlier in the day, in the other matchup in City's group, Roma somehow contrived to draw a game they really should've won, greatly expanding… » 11/26/14 1:27pm Wednesday 1:27pm

David Moyes Doesn't Know Who His New Players Are

I'd cut David Moyes—who's just moved to a foreign country with a foreign language for a new job in a new league—some slack here, as "Stefano" isn't too far off from "Esteban," but then I think, What if Steve Kerr showed up to practice calling his point guard "Steven" Curry? » 11/25/14 12:50pm Tuesday 12:50pm

Watch Messi Break The All-Time La Liga Scoring Record

Lionel Messi became the top scorer in La Liga history with this 72nd minute goal against Sevilla, his second of the game. It was Messi's 252nd league goal, which topped Athletic Bilbao legend Telmo Zarra's 251, who did most of his damage in the 1940s. A few minutes later Messi got his hat trick, so the new record… » 11/22/14 4:01pm Saturday 4:01pm

Zinedine Zidane No Longer Has To Pretend Not To Coach Team He Coaches

A couple months ago, we told you about how Zinedine Zidane, manager of Real Madrid Castilla, was under investigation for not having the proper coaching qualifications. The Frenchman had two ways to fight the impending punishment: either cadge up the qualifications or deny that he was actually the manager. Lo and… » 11/21/14 1:29pm 11/21/14 1:29pm

Xabi Alonso Forced To Apologize To Ronaldo For Stupid, Fake Controversy

Remember that dumb story Real Madrid pitched to their stooges at Marca yesterday, where some milquetoast statements of Xabi Alonso's were folded, kneaded, and ultimately transformed into direct insults to former teammates Cristiano Ronaldo and Iker Casillas? Well, it worked. » 11/21/14 11:44am 11/21/14 11:44am

Shitty Swiss Team Cuts 11 Players After Youth Team Blows Them Out 10-0

FC Grenchen, of Switzerland's fourth division, suck at soccer. In their last nine matches, they've collected all of zero points while shipping 66—yes, 66—goals, 10 of which came at the feet of FC Luzern's youth squad. Following that horrific result, Grenchen's sporting director decided to cut 11 players. » 11/20/14 6:30pm 11/20/14 6:30pm

Meet Marca, The Hilarious Propaganda Arm Of Real Madrid

It's maybe a little difficult for Americans to grasp just how deeply and blatantly in the tank the European press can be for the local XI. And no one is deeper and more blatantly in the tank for the local XI than the media in Spain, where the local XI means either Barcelona and Real Madrid and where the address of the… » 11/20/14 1:58pm 11/20/14 1:58pm

Wigan Owner Doubles Down On New Manager's Racism And Antisemitism

Wigan Athletic courted controversy this week by hiring Malky Mackay, who is under investigation by the FA for assorted bigoted and offensive text messages that were sent more than a year ago but came to light over the summer. Wigan owner Dave Whelan spoke with the Guardian today, and offered a defense of, essentially, » 11/20/14 1:44pm 11/20/14 1:44pm

Ivory Coast Fans Mob Pitch As Team Qualifies For Africa Cup Of Nations

Ivory Coast took on Cameroon at home in Abidjan today, in their final match of 2015 Africa Cup of Nations qualification. With three minutes of stoppage time left, and both teams assured of qualifying with a 0-0 draw, Cameroon was content to let the Ivory Coast pass the ball around unmolested. » 11/19/14 10:53pm 11/19/14 10:53pm

Dion Earl Denies Sex Claims: "Have You Ever Seen A Picture Of My Wife?"

Dion Earl was on the speaker phone with his wife, Laurel, explaining why he never could've sexually assaulted that cheerleader. "Have you ever seen a picture of my wife?" he asked. "My wife is 10 times better looking than Elizabeth." Laurel laughed. » 11/19/14 2:11pm 11/19/14 2:11pm

French Club Suspected Of Bribing Opponents With Cases Of Wine Mid-Match

French officials have arrested the club presidents of newly promoted Ligue 1 side Caen and Ligue 2 club Nîmes for their suspected involvement in fixing a match at the end of last year's Ligue 2 season. What did the Caen players receive for their services? According to one report, cases of wine delivered at halftime. » 11/18/14 5:05pm 11/18/14 5:05pm

Despots, Serial Killers, And Dick Jokes: Football Manager's Banned Names

From the sheer number of funny names assigned to the randomly generated players in Football Manager, you may have assumed there is no filter on name combinations. And while you may have seen a "Willy Pinas" or two, you haven't seen a "Adolf Hitler," "Tim McVeigh," or a "Dick Licka" for a good reason. » 11/17/14 12:06pm 11/17/14 12:06pm

German Football League Threatens FIFA Over Unreleased World Cup Report

FIFA finally released a summary of their report into the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody it basically cleared Qatar, Russia, and current FIFA officials of any wrongdoing. The 42-page report was written by FIFA ethics committee judge Hans-Joachim Eckert, and… » 11/15/14 5:54pm 11/15/14 5:54pm