We'll have more on this as an actual soccer move when (if?) it becomes official, but it's looking pretty near certain that AC Milan striker/international style icon Mario Balotelli will be returning to the Premier League, slotting in at Liverpool to replace Luis Suárez. Chris Bascombe over at the Telegraph has fucking strong opinions on the matter.
To go from Luis Suarez to Balotelli is not so much from frying pan to fire as from blazing inferno to extreme solar storm.
That's a pretty good metaphor, but what the reader really wants to know is whether there's any way to compare Balotelli to an unattractive prostitute.
Liverpool, not unlike their rivals Manchester United, have tons of money to spend this summer but one is put in mind of a randy sailor - the last off his boat after months at sea - making his way into town with a pocket full of cash only to discover all the best looking whores have already been pimped out.
Damn. Anything else?
In signing Balotelli, Liverpool have effectively brought the circus back to town. One hopes for Rodgers's sake it is more like the greatest show on earth than send in the clown.
While Bascombe foams over the extreme solar storm/clown-whore's pending journey to Merseyside, we'll be over here reading the Mario Balotelli Does Thing archive.
Photo: Claudio Villa/Getty Images