While virtually unknown striker Marcus Rashford’s unbelievable and hilarious two-goal senior team debut was the biggest story coming out of yesterday’s Manchester United-Midtjylland match, the true star on the day was Memphis Depay. He absolutely obliterated the Midtjylland defense, running up and down and around the pitch whenever and however he pleased, with the opposing defenders completely incapable of holding him back without literally grabbing his shirt and holding him back. Check it out, dude was on fire:

As fortune and performance favors one, it must inevitably disfavor another to an equal and opposite degree. Depay’s chief victim was Midtjylland right back, André Rømer. As elated as the United winger must’ve felt, we know exactly how correspondingly agonized Rømer was because he explicated his feelings in an interview with Ekstra Bladet. Thanks to Reddit, we have a good translation of some of Rømer’s most sad-sack comments:

  • I have never been this close to crying after a match. I am devastated, and it’s not going to be a good night of sleep.
  • He is the best player I have ever faced. It is difficult to argue for anything else when he plays like this. He is the best. He can do anything. He will go inside, outside, turn me around and use his incredible pace to get past me.
  • Obviously, I would have loved some more backup, but when I am the one being destroyed over and over, it is not fair to blame my teammates for anything.
  • The second yellow card is a redundancy. Completely unnecessary. It will be a game I remember for a very long time.

There there, André. The nightmare’s over now. You’ll forget all about it in the morning.

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h/t Reddit

Photo via Getty

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Contact the author at billy@deadspin.com.